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My experience with self harm and how to help

Hi everyone,

I know that for some people this is a difficult topic. It most certainly is for me too but I finally want to speak out about it. Last year 2016 two of my Nan's passed away not long from one another. I found it really hard to talk about it to people. As I came home from school trying to get to the chapel of rest to see my Nan on my dads side I then got told that my Nan on my mums side had two years left to live. I felt as if my world was just crumbling all around me and I had no idea what to do or how to cope with my emotions.
Everyone around me seemed to be so strong and so I felt like I had to be too. I couldn't understand why such bad things were happening. Not to mention right in the middle of my GCSE's.

It was the hardest time of my life as I was very close to my Nan. I found that self harm was a way to take out  all of my anger and unanswered questions. My Nan had cancer which is what she died from. she had it four times on and off and survived each one like a boss. Unfortunately, the last one hit her like mad. It was so hard to see someone you love go through cancer and not be able to do anything to help. I remember the day my Nan died very well. I was in Croydon when my mum and auntie told me to come back to my Nan's house. My mum and auntie met me on the road of my Nan's house and told me she had passed away. my heart had sunk and I instantly cried. As they walked me to her house I could feel my stomach turning. I wasn't sure if I was ready to see her like that but I knew I had to.

I wont go too much into detail about how i self harmed but I long for the day when I look at a sharpener and think about actually sharpening a pencil with it. Not just that but once you start its like you cant stop. Some people think oh people that self harm are just looking for attention but thats not how it is. Or when people tell you its all in your head. I understand.  I hope some of you will understand what I mean. If you find yourself wanting to self harm please feel free to talk to me and I can help you find other ways of dealing with everything. Also sometimes it just helps to talk to someone about things.

Here are some helpful websites to look at:

for depression: http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/depression.asp

for bereavement : http://www.onlinecounsellingservice.co.uk/grief-and-loss

for anxiety : https://turn2me.org/group-supports?gclid=Cj0KEQiAk5zEBRD9lfno2dek0tsBEiQAWVKyuM_4m4UnkgVvjQvt5FqCtzaYrdiXvCqcE7RPDG_o6lwaAinB8P8HAQ

for self harm: - http://www.doorofhope4teens.org/?gclid=Cj0KEQiAk5zEBRD9lfno2dek0tsBEiQAWVKyuBH0xY682E1Bok3j2C_irtIbjVExXpfy95Uvy8rgmcAaAvy58P8HAQ
- http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/what-speak-us-about/signs-you-may-be-struggling-cope/giving-yourself-strength?gclid=Cj0KEQiAk5zEBRD9lfno2dek0tsBEiQAWVKyuOXFGjpSUDRBbPrmuD914oIYbRDM3SIuSbD9Xyy4YpUaAn9L8P8HAQ




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